It’s a sound you never forget, but wish you could.

Last night after I’d been sleeping about 2 hours, I heard it. Sometimes it sounds like she’s drowning. Other times it sounds like she’s crying for help. Last night, it was the sound of her arm hitting the headboard.

I jumped up out of a dead sleep, straight into action. Was I prepared to do CPR if she needed it? Where was the emergency medicine? I was so tired but my adrenaline kicked in and I knew that at that moment, I had to be alert and ready.

Seizures come without notice and after 24 years of them, you’d think I’d be ready but each time it’s like someone has thrown cold water in my face.

I sing to her, even though it’s so hard to get the words out. I pray. I cry. I feel completely alone and helpless. Will this ever end? How long can her little frail body possibly take this? Seizure after seizure they come, each one I pray will be the last but they won’t stop and I know that I have no choice but to give her the emergency medicine, a drug that is normally only given by a medical professional but tonight, it’s just me and her.

I jump up and grab the syringe, praying that this will be the last and that I won’t have to give her this strong medication.

She stills for a moment, I breathe deeply…. Is it over? Is she finally resting?

Finally she is asleep and the storm is over…..

I cry silently trying not to wake her. How long will she suffer like this?

The adrenaline that woke me up and set my feet to action is now keeping me awake. I watch her sleep as tears stream down my face.

I wait…. I long for the day when the seizures are gone, never to return…..